What Is Existential Psychotherapy And How Can It Help You?

“With every increase in the degree of consciousness, and in proportion to that increase, the intensity of despair increases: the more consciousness the more intense the despair.” –  Soren Kiekegaard

Existential psychotherapy is a profound approach to mental health and personal growth that delves into some of life’s most fundamental questions and concerns. It’s a philosophical - and, at times, spiritual - journey into the rules or conditions of the human experience for those seeking deeper understanding.

At its core, existential psychotherapy invites individuals to explore their existence in an honest and reflective way. It doesn’t provide ready-made solutions, tools or techniques but helps individuals examine their beliefs, values, and the choices they make. This self-exploration can lead to greater self-awareness and a clearer sense of purpose. Existential therapy revolves around four key themes or “givens” in life:

Freedom

This theme emphasises the idea that we, as individuals, have the freedom to make choices and take responsibility for our lives even when faced with limitations, constraints and impossible decisions. Choices can paralyse us with fear because, at the end of the day, our choices determine the direction and quality of our lives. Though we cannot hide from making choices - as the French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre said, “Not choosing is still a choice.”

We can learn how to make decisions in accordance with our values as well as learn to accept and integrate poorer choices. Confronting our existential freedom helps us develop a sense of personal responsibility and a willingness to make decisions even though we might make the wrong ones.

Isolation

Despite our connections with others, we all experience moments of aloneness or separateness. In fact, these moments of separateness aren’t finite but undergird the truth of our existence - that we are all ultimately alone and each experience this life as individual consciousness’s. Making sense of our ultimate aloneness is a process that results in greater self-acceptance and universal understanding. For example, brief moments of fear, confusion or resentment when confronted with thoughts that bubble to the surface before we fall asleep at night or when in the shower can be turned into sparks of insight. Feeling completely separate from others and the world at large can be cause for discomfort, but therapy can help reduce the pain and isolation by developing one’s inner compass and resources.

Meaning

Meaning is the search for significance in life. Existential psychotherapy encourages individuals to examine their values, passions, and what gives their lives meaning, helping them find purpose and direction. Meaning is something both created and found. It is the centre-point in one’s life that helps mediate the fluctuations and oscillations between trivial pain and pleasure. The search for that individual, defining sense of self can be difficult and overwhelming, and often involves many years of trying on different identities and personas like costumes! Existential therapy helps navigate the long and, at times, arduous journey of the search for meaning by helping individuals let go of the idea that an ultimate destination exists. Thus, the search for meaning becomes an exploration of the self; and only then, meaning is found. The search for meaning is the ultimate adventure. And, as reflected in the great myths of the world from time immemorial, every courageous adventurer had a guide! Maybe you might need one too?

Death

Facing the reality of our mortality can be daunting, but existential therapy helps individuals confront their fears of death and use this awareness to live more authentically and meaningfully. As existential psychotherapist Irvin Yalom writes, “Though the physicality of death destroys us, the idea of death may save us.” Coming to see death as an ally has a profound effect on the way we live. It might even be the most important existential given to confront and accept becomes it ripples and guides our understanding of the other three. Keeping death in the awareness of consciousness informs the decisions we make, supplants feelings of aloneness with moments of insight and highlights what is meaningful to us. Learning to see death as a friend and overcoming the terror of annihilation can be very uncomfortable. Existential psychotherapy can help soften the intensity of one’s confrontation with their own mortality.

Existential psychotherapy can be a transformative process, helping individuals encounter life’s complexities and inevitabilities in a productive, healthy and safe way. It helps individuals question their assumptions and belief systems - whether religious or secular - and develop a deeper sense of self. It is not for the fainthearted and is also often not chosen. The existential adventure is embarked upon usually by force, not will, as one confronts the fragility of their identity upheld by illusory belief systems. When loved ones die, when life transitions occur through the ageing process, or when what we thought to be true proved not to be, a feeling of “falling” can ensue. This reflects an encounter with existential concerns. But one need not fall all by themselves! Existential psychotherapy exists for a reason!

Having a fellow traveller fall alongside you can help reduce suffering, aiding in the development of greater meaning and a more enriching identity. As the professor of comparative mythology Joseph Campbell wrote, “The psychotic drowns in the same waters within which the mystic swims with delight.” What might be troubling or overwhelming for you now will soon be joyous and meaningful if navigated with the right approach (and the right therapist!).