The Importance of Role Models—A Homage to my Father

We often underestimate the value of a role model in today’s world. I think this is a mistake. Role models guide and inspire us because, in part, we see unactualized aspects of who we could be, in them, if we aimed high enough and fought tooth and nail to protect our dreams at all costs. Role models keep us aligned, shining a light on our north stars. Sometimes those role models are famous celebrities and entrepreneurs. Other times, they occupy our inner worlds, like Jiminy Cricket. And if we’re lucky, they’re much closer to home.

As a teenager, I was inspired by different role models. When we don’t yet know who we are, we mimic others. This, I believe, is both a necessary and healthy part of growing up. We need to figure out what fits and what doesn’t, like clothes. Making mistakes, experimenting, travelling and dating is how we all stumble forward, one foot at a time, toward the lives that were waiting for us from the beginning. Failure, therefore, only prevails if we stop trying. Actually, it’s more like failure only wins if we stop living!

Some of the role models of my youth would be considered traditionally masculine. I was inspired by heroes, hard and rough footballers, soldiers, fighters and chivalrous knights who swept women off their feet. I was trying to figure out what the word “man” meant for me, so I tried on many costumes. Looking back, I was always there, beneath that pile of clothes. As an adult, I feel more like a cocktail than a fine wine. It took many different ingredients to find that sweet taste of authenticity. And the costume that once consisted of many other costumes stitched together now lives in the bin.

When I was younger, I resented my dad because I wished he embodied all the qualities I was inspired by at the time. I’d hoped he’d take me out into a forest and teach me how to hunt whilst telling me I wasn’t doing enough push ups. I wanted him to out-run me on the athletics track; I wished he’d added an illustrious career as a soldier with six deployments to his resume. By then, he’d have also played hundreds of games for Hawthorn with three grand finals and a Brownlow medal to gloat about when he wasn’t killing bad guys. And oh, how I wished he was six foot six!

My dad wasn’t the role model I wanted but he was the role model I needed. Beyond the flashy superficialities, my dad is, and has always been, himself. I now recognise that his unwavering authenticity helped me find my own.

Being a good father role model is about helping your child see that who they are is enough. Being human means being flawed. People often go decades suppressing their imperfections and exaggerating their strengths, attempting to prove their worth to others. But I never really had to do that because I had a father who led from the front.

It’s as simple as that. If a father owns his individuality, he will give his children permission to do the same. And when his children are old and frail, long after his final breath, they’ll have him to thank because he taught them to live with the courage to be themselves.